There’s only one world that I am most interested in i.e. my own world. Everybody else’s world sucks like hell. To find something interesting in anybody’s life, I went through countless motivational books, videos, talks and what not. I wanted to find a way to put a positive spin to anything remotely negative coming to my mind. But I must admit that I just can’t continue to fake anymore. People disappointed me in the past and they continue to do so in the present.
I know after this pity party, life will be back to the normal i.e. finding nothing and nobody interesting outside of me. I’d be back at the awesome me who will continue spreading smiles, making a difference and helping people see things differently. I am proud of me and strangely I don’t want anybody else to celebrate this along with me.
Why no interest in anyone or anything? Is it depression? You like anything too much, shrink says its depression. You hate something too much, Shrink says the same. You eat too much, you don’t eat at all. You become too happy or you become sad. It all leads to one conclusion as per mental health professionals or people in general. Behind this easy word, they just want you stay hidden or preferably buried for good.
Even movies, songs, and a whole industry out there about celebrating pity parties and writing sob songs does not help either. A blame can be easily placed at my own choice of becoming a dustbin for possibly everyone of their sadness, depression and/or madness. After seeing me or being with me, they pretty much walk away feeling better (at having it shared) and actually start looking at things or life differently, preferably positively.
All of that, strangely comes not from my own deep within. Its actually something that I learned and experienced. Its still external to me, I can’t place my copyright on it being naturally me. Then, who I am and what I am naturally?
I guess the answer lies within my current location on planet earth, the environment (in shape of people or weather) around me and above all, who and what I choose. Actually, there’s nothing natural about my life. Its all either sacrifices, pity or compassion. Beyond than that, I don’t think I have ever given my own self a chance of a lifetime.
The ones who love me are actually far more than the ones who could remotely hate on me. Does that mean that my job of living a life successfully is done? If so, then why do I still exist?
The other day, I was trying my level best to help someone calm down and let go. But she was relentless, on some sort of revenge mission towards her Ex. She countered every single positive spin of mine with another seemingly powerful negative one. Four hours of the session over a dinner table simply exhausted me. She was not only on a self-destructive path from financial or healthy point of view, but towards her own other loved ones i.e. her kids, Ex, family, friends, etc.
Decades back, whenever I used to counter such a negative individual, I could feel some sort of miraculous energy coming out of me which used to flatten any arguments the most negative individual had to make. But on this 47th birthday of mine, its probably the sign of aging that I have started to feel exhausted from so much negativity in people I choose to interact with.
Probably its getting tiring for me already and I feel like falling in the same trap where majority of others have fallen i.e. calling something or someone as a “permanent” evil that can’t be changed. If that’s so, then it will be actually against the very core of beliefs that I hold so dear to my own self and life. Since the very foundation of mine can’t be wrong as I could never be holding myself upright if I had no core or foundation to hail from. If my core is perfectly alright, then why am I feeling this pull of gravity towards pretty much going along with the old and traditional philosophy of the evil being permanent?
At the end of the day, it will be me and only me left alone with my own self. Everybody else will be eventually gone to their own natural destiny. Out of 7 billion people, if I have helped changing a couple of hundred or thousands (numbers should not matter), I think that should be sufficient. Something deep inside me still says no, its not sufficient. Its like I have this naturally imperfect vision of the world where every evil can be explained away with an excuse to make it feel a bit lighter than it is traditionally viewed.
Since its almost next to impossible to list all of those evils (tiny or big ones), hence I think a formulaic type of a book with principles and guidelines should be enough to do the job. Going by the book is easier for majority of the humans to follow than their own intuition. The minority like me can continue to expand upon those formulas or guidelines, but a start has to be made somewhere by someone.
In the future, probably writers, thinkers and philosophers will want to ponder over it and try to come up with some sort of universally acceptable and enforceable principles to counter any sort of negativity. Having said that, I am personally in the favor of having this world EXACTLY the same way it is today i.e. divided between civilized and uncivilized one.
You have actually best of both worlds to choose from at any given stage of your life. Whatever I mentioned about negativity, applies only on the civilized world. For an uncivilized world, there should be no principles, guidelines, philosophies, etc. Why? Because if you apply the same onto the other half of the planet earth, it won’t be 100% free in the strictest sense.
Negativity is an evil in itself. All of these pros, cons, advantages, disadvantages, or balanced views actually carry this evil right through themselves which manifests itself via different forms of violence committed against the ones who don’t adhere to the same principles of negativity or evil as the other does.
They say that this universe is built upon things being opposite i.e. gravity, gender, etc. The point of writing all this is not denying those universally acceptable opposites. Some opposites are actually important and beneficial to give birth to life or planets. Not all opposites are necessarily evil or negative either. My aim is to change the mindset that looks at anything from negative point of view and terms it as some sort of evil that can’t be changed, corrected or at least accepted.