WordPress never stops giving me any dull moments despite a few dry spells for weeks, if not months. An anonymous blogger who operates as “blessedwithastar” on here, posted something interesting (the usual man-hating content popular now-a-days on internet) who was treated far better in the first date than I might have. Here’s her experience in her own words (quoted) followed by my own analysis;
“To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect” ― Jane Austen
So she went in the first date with some expectations from a complete stranger who has not even a clue who the heck she is!
Following up my last post where I mentioned the date with P. I was still thinking about his behavior. I think that it bothered me even more than I was willing to admit. I needed to get back to him with a yes or no in regards to the second date. So I decided that honesty was the best policy and flat out asked him about it.
All of us (thousands of WordPress readers) know every teeny tiny detail about her dating adventures except the poor guy who is totally in dark about her maintaining an anonymous blog somewhere in this dark internet. I run my own blog only for one purpose i.e. dating. And with those 7,000+ posts on my blog, I expect her to first read everything about me there “before” she takes a daring step to actually sit across the table in front of me at some coffee shop.
Why is she the only one to decide whether to have a second date? Why is not his perspective given any mention? Details are a bit murky but we will still give her a benefit of doubt and continue reading…
I emailed him: “Why would you hurry and get your food before I got there and not offer to get me my coffee?
Oh… that poor guy… that hungry and thirsty guy in a coffee shop. How dare he ordered any sort of food or drink without her? Why is he not patient enough for Her Highness (The Queen of Dating Kingdom) to arrive and only then order something even for himself (with Her Highness’s approval, of course) that he may or may not like eating or drinking but still, he will have to since making a lasting impression on the first date is only that poor guy’s job, not hers.
Here is his reply: “I apologize for what appeared rude or improper behavior. Frankly, what’s appropriate these days is not so clear as it used to be. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be just a drink and conversation, or something more like a mini meal. I was very hungry so I had some choices. If I ordered something that took time to cook, but I didn’t know how far away you were, either I’d have time to eat fast, or you’d show up close to when I got my food, so I would wait for you to get what you wanted.
When it comes to buying your coffee, food or whatever, this is a meeting, not a date(as some women have said to me!), so it seems fair and “modern” to just each of us do our own thing. The old way, the guy always buying, has a touch of “She owes me now” to it, especially in this time when #metoo has emerged. I am trying to tread lightly, not be aggressive or overbearing or make you in any way feel “obligated” to me. Maybe I’m overdoing it. Maybe I’m overanalyzing. All I can say is it’s not easy being a guy sometimes! lol
Yes…I probably could have let all our conversations be that “first meeting” and treated this more like a first date. But if we both had actually felt exactly like that, we probably would have been locked lip to lip in a lengthy goodbye kiss on the sidewalk. “
Wow. This guy’s response is golden. Wish I was gay. I will happily give him not just a second date but many many dates with an “extra”! 🙂
“A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.” ― Haruki Murakami
Again, totally a misplaced quote like another one at the beginning of her post. There are no “should-do-list” of things about the first date that were approved beforehand. And yes, the poor guy was totally right in being confused with another confused chick wanting to date him in the first place. First dates are usually confusing and anyone walking in with any sort of expectations from a total stranger is obviously a fool, which she was.
That answer didn’t make everything all better.
To her one sentence loooooooooooooong question, that poor guy’s tiny response with manyyyyyyyyy paragraphs was still not enough for an obviously very intelligent (pun intended) lady.
Manners and chivalry are always appropriate, that to me is clear as a bell. It sounded like he really thought about how to get his food so that he didn’t have to buy mine. He knew I was just a couple minutes away. I am thinking he was being just cheap.
Which manners? What chivalry? Is she a witch from 18th century, transformed into a woman’s body and still alive in this 21st century where rules (of being a man and a woman) have changed and actually are upside down? Did he use his money or her money to buy his food? Its she who is coming off as a cheap date who could not have a tiniest respect to him being hungry or thirsty. And instead of apologizing for being late or not arriving earlier than him, all we hear is complaining about him daring to eat his food before Her Highness arrives. Nothing about the actual date, how did it go, how as he looking, talking, etc. Just complaints and meme’s.
I think many men are coming up with the excuse that the first date is just a meeting and therefore they don’t need to pay for anything. For the women that say that I think they don’t want to be stuck with someone they don’t like. I understand and don’t want to judge, but for me the first date is the first date. I only agree to meet people that I think could at least be a friend. If I don’t want to sacrifice an hour or 2 of my time I just don’t agree to meet the person period.
Oh well, her rules are hers. So she should keep them shoved, she knows at what place. And try to first learn to date a tree or a puppy, before daring to date a man.
Ah! so she had been stalking that poor guy’s picture on some dating site/app and already sort of made plans to marry him, have his kids. Ah! dream a little dreamer 🙂
I don’t care where we meet, at the park or the library, but if he chooses a coffee shop I expect that he is paying for my coffee. After all I got my hair done, nails done, I am wearing perfume. Everyone is making an effort to put their best foot forward or so I hope.
… and he is from jungle (not even some Tarzan) who is wearing nothing, has not even taken a shower, arrived too early at that cafe on some elephant and smells stinky as hell. Wow! just wow!
Thank goodness she did not ask him up-front to pay for her nails, hair and the perfume. She forgot to mention her underarms if they were shaved or had at least some some deodorant there. You know the kind of details that perverts like us (the men) like. (Amir giggles) 🙂
#metoo? Really? He is going to use that? What does that have to do with a cup of coffee?
Why would I think I owe the guy anything because he paid for my coffee? To me it is just a kind gesture. It sounds to me that he is the one that has expectations when he does anything for a woman.
Oh well, since she did not “get” what he meant through his loooooong response, let’s try to break it down for her convenience. After all, she is a Queen and deserves to be respected with any elaboration that all of us poor guys owe to her.
There’s nothing “kind” when it comes to dating. She has taken a bold step to date a man (without, of course being prepared beforehand) and treats her first date casually as lesser than even a serious meeting. What is dating? She needs to take lots of primers on that “first” before even setting her foot in this highly complicated and a confusing world of meeting total strangers.
We had been exchanging emails for over 3 months on a daily basis. I expected more. I expected a cup of coffee and it seems that he expected passionate kisses.
We exchanged a couple of emails after the one above. I politely declined the second date and wished him luck.
And so it goes…
She spent three months to expect one coffee for free? And since this is a date, her expectations were that he will dance like a gigolo, making her happy from a safe distance. Right?
Good riddance! That guy was luckiest man on earth to NOT have such a stupid man-hating woman with wild expectations on a first date. One can easily imagine the suffering caused for a lifetime, had there been a second date. A woman who sends letters for 3 months and does not use her voice or video chat in this modern age of communications, is not only some someone hideous but also not in touch with reality.
“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” ― Stephen R. Covey
Did she end her post with this quote trying to come off as a mother to all men she is going with on her first dates? You know what? I think I am far more stupid than her who is wasting his own fucking precious time on analyzing things as stupid as her post.
Of course, I unfollowed her blog by leaving this comment which she may or may not have (female) balls to post on her own blog;
You sound more like a complaining misandrous bitch (than a lady) who seems to have her own twisted definition of what men should or should not do. He should have not honored your meme with any response. Consider this brief comment as a LOT of attention and an unfollow note to your blog as well.