WordPress never stops giving me any dull moments despite a few dry spells for weeks, if not months. An anonymous blogger who operates as “blessedwithastar” on here, posted something interesting (the usual man-hating content popular now-a-days on internet) who was treated far better in the first date than I might have. Here’s her experience in her own words (quoted) followed by my own analysis;
“To wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect” ― Jane Austen
So she went in the first date with some expectations from a complete stranger who has not even a clue who the heck she is!
Following up my last post where I mentioned the date with P. I was still thinking about his behavior. I think that it bothered me even more than I was willing to admit. I needed to get back to him with a yes or no in regards to the second date. So I decided that honesty was the best policy and flat out asked him about it.
All of us (thousands of WordPress readers) know every teeny tiny detail about her dating adventures except the poor guy who is totally in dark about her maintaining an anonymous blog somewhere in this dark internet. I run my own blog only for one purpose i.e. dating. And with those 7,000+ posts on my blog, I expect her to first read everything about me there “before” she takes a daring step to actually sit across the table in front of me at some coffee shop.
Why is she the only one to decide whether to have a second date? Why is not his perspective given any mention? Details are a bit murky but we will still give her a benefit of doubt and continue reading…
I emailed him: “Why would you hurry and get your food before I got there and not offer to get me my coffee?
Oh… that poor guy… that hungry and thirsty guy in a coffee shop. How dare he ordered any sort of food or drink without her? Why is he not patient enough for Her Highness (The Queen of Dating Kingdom) to arrive and only then order something even for himself (with Her Highness’s approval, of course) that he may or may not like eating or drinking but still, he will have to since making a lasting impression on the first date is only that poor guy’s job, not hers.
Here is his reply: “I apologize for what appeared rude or improper behavior. Frankly, what’s appropriate these days is not so clear as it used to be. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be just a drink and conversation, or something more like a mini meal. I was very hungry so I had some choices. If I ordered something that took time to cook, but I didn’t know how far away you were, either I’d have time to eat fast, or you’d show up close to when I got my food, so I would wait for you to get what you wanted.
When it comes to buying your coffee, food or whatever, this is a meeting, not a date(as some women have said to me!), so it seems fair and “modern” to just each of us do our own thing. The old way, the guy always buying, has a touch of “She owes me now” to it, especially in this time when #metoo has emerged. I am trying to tread lightly, not be aggressive or overbearing or make you in any way feel “obligated” to me. Maybe I’m overdoing it. Maybe I’m overanalyzing. All I can say is it’s not easy being a guy sometimes! lol
Yes…I probably could have let all our conversations be that “first meeting” and treated this more like a first date. But if we both had actually felt exactly like that, we probably would have been locked lip to lip in a lengthy goodbye kiss on the sidewalk. “
Wow. This guy’s response is golden. Wish I was gay. I will happily give him not just a second date but many many dates with an “extra”! 🙂
“A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.” ― Haruki Murakami
Again, totally a misplaced quote like another one at the beginning of her post. There are no “should-do-list” of things about the first date that were approved beforehand. And yes, the poor guy was totally right in being confused with another confused chick wanting to date him in the first place. First dates are usually confusing and anyone walking in with any sort of expectations from a total stranger is obviously a fool, which she was.
That answer didn’t make everything all better.
To her one sentence loooooooooooooong question, that poor guy’s tiny response with manyyyyyyyyy paragraphs was still not enough for an obviously very intelligent (pun intended) lady.
Manners and chivalry are always appropriate, that to me is clear as a bell. It sounded like he really thought about how to get his food so that he didn’t have to buy mine. He knew I was just a couple minutes away. I am thinking he was being just cheap.
Which manners? What chivalry? Is she a witch from 18th century, transformed into a woman’s body and still alive in this 21st century where rules (of being a man and a woman) have changed and actually are upside down? Did he use his money or her money to buy his food? Its she who is coming off as a cheap date who could not have a tiniest respect to him being hungry or thirsty. And instead of apologizing for being late or not arriving earlier than him, all we hear is complaining about him daring to eat his food before Her Highness arrives. Nothing about the actual date, how did it go, how as he looking, talking, etc. Just complaints and meme’s.
I think many men are coming up with the excuse that the first date is just a meeting and therefore they don’t need to pay for anything. For the women that say that I think they don’t want to be stuck with someone they don’t like. I understand and don’t want to judge, but for me the first date is the first date. I only agree to meet people that I think could at least be a friend. If I don’t want to sacrifice an hour or 2 of my time I just don’t agree to meet the person period.
Oh well, her rules are hers. So she should keep them shoved, she knows at what place. And try to first learn to date a tree or a puppy, before daring to date a man.
Ah! so she had been stalking that poor guy’s picture on some dating site/app and already sort of made plans to marry him, have his kids. Ah! dream a little dreamer 🙂
I don’t care where we meet, at the park or the library, but if he chooses a coffee shop I expect that he is paying for my coffee. After all I got my hair done, nails done, I am wearing perfume. Everyone is making an effort to put their best foot forward or so I hope.
… and he is from jungle (not even some Tarzan) who is wearing nothing, has not even taken a shower, arrived too early at that cafe on some elephant and smells stinky as hell. Wow! just wow!
Thank goodness she did not ask him up-front to pay for her nails, hair and the perfume. She forgot to mention her underarms if they were shaved or had at least some some deodorant there. You know the kind of details that perverts like us (the men) like. (Amir giggles) 🙂
#metoo? Really? He is going to use that? What does that have to do with a cup of coffee?
Why would I think I owe the guy anything because he paid for my coffee? To me it is just a kind gesture. It sounds to me that he is the one that has expectations when he does anything for a woman.
Oh well, since she did not “get” what he meant through his loooooong response, let’s try to break it down for her convenience. After all, she is a Queen and deserves to be respected with any elaboration that all of us poor guys owe to her.
There’s nothing “kind” when it comes to dating. She has taken a bold step to date a man (without, of course being prepared beforehand) and treats her first date casually as lesser than even a serious meeting. What is dating? She needs to take lots of primers on that “first” before even setting her foot in this highly complicated and a confusing world of meeting total strangers.
We had been exchanging emails for over 3 months on a daily basis. I expected more. I expected a cup of coffee and it seems that he expected passionate kisses.
We exchanged a couple of emails after the one above. I politely declined the second date and wished him luck.
And so it goes…
She spent three months to expect one coffee for free? And since this is a date, her expectations were that he will dance like a gigolo, making her happy from a safe distance. Right?
Good riddance! That guy was luckiest man on earth to NOT have such a stupid man-hating woman with wild expectations on a first date. One can easily imagine the suffering caused for a lifetime, had there been a second date. A woman who sends letters for 3 months and does not use her voice or video chat in this modern age of communications, is not only some someone hideous but also not in touch with reality.
“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” ― Stephen R. Covey
Did she end her post with this quote trying to come off as a mother to all men she is going with on her first dates? Or does she really think that all men are untrained dogs for her bitch? You know what! I think I am far more stupid than her who is wasting his own fucking precious time on analyzing things as stupid as her post.
Of course, I unfollowed her blog by leaving this comment which she may or may not have (female) balls to post on her own blog;
You sound more like a complaining misandrous bitch (than a lady) who seems to have her own twisted definition of what men should or should not do. He should have not honored your meme with any response. Consider this brief comment as a LOT of attention and an unfollow note to your blog as well.
Update 14 Jan, 2019
This anonymous blogger seems like someone in her late 40’s from Brazil living in USA and recently sold a flat. Poor lady is trying to serial date but no luck so far. What interested me most is that she wrote a minimum 1,000 words long follow-up post in my honor ONLY to say that she should NOT give me any attention. (Wait, let me snort loudly and laugh… fuck, these tears, tissues please… someone!!). And the comments on the same post were golden too. I will be reproducing all of that since she can remove the blog and run as is usual with such hideous and dual-faced individuals.
In no way am I stalking that poor man-hater’s anonymous blog as she might be very well stalking mine instead. I posted something today on my blog and this old post of my own came up in the links. I followed the link only to see how is she doing (out of curiosity), Lo and Behold! There she was (The Queen, Her Highness) posting a 1,000+ words post only in my honor which she wrote four days after (14 Nov, 2018) I wrote my review. Only today (two months later) I got the opportunity to see her loving on me. (…only tickling myself!)
I so much want to waste my precious time again on her dual-faced follow-up post but I’d only reproduce it in original form. Somewhere in the comments, she called me “vicious”. That made my day as I literally got out of my chair and hugged the wall next to me, laughing out like that crazy bastard which she detests and thinks of me. And if that was not enough, she called me Trumpster too! (oh my my… she knows me TOO WELL) 🙂
What I find most interesting is that she calls herself not presumptuous (as a die-hard follower of Four Agreements… a book), but here’s what she “presumed” about me in the comments;
He was probably hurt by a woman before or was probably accused of being cheap – something in my post triggered some pain.
Check out her desperate effort to reject my honest comments about her man-hating post earlier and those lame commentators giving her a solace for not giving me (the hater in her words) any attention;
More love, less hate
“When they go low, we go high.” – ― Michelle Obama
I received a hate comment last week on my last post. Actually not only a hate comment but this person wrote a whole post on his blog dedicated to calling me names. He called me bitch and man-hater among other things.
He said I wouldn’t have the balls to print what he said and comment on it. While I have more guts in my pinkie finger than he has in his whole body I choose not to reveal his comment and blog and therefore give him any acknowledgment.
But I am choosing to write about it here. This is is my blog. This is my space. I invite everyone to be honest when commenting and to feel free to say whatever they think. But I expect everything to be done with respect. Hate is not tolerated!
While my blog is anonymous I do not use the anonymity to spread hatred. I use it to give me the freedom to express myself without exposing my personal life. While I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, I expect the disagreements to be done with respect.
I don’t hold the key to the truth. I hold the key to my feelings and I try to be as transparent as I can with them while not tearing anyone down in the process. If someone takes offense to anything I say I am sincerely sorry about that. My intention is never to offend or hurt. I would invite this person to reflect upon the reason why they felt offended by the words of a stranger. I also invite healthy conversation about any disagreement.
This is a moment in the US, and perhaps in the world where people think it is okay to attack each other and spread hate whenever they disagree with anything. I am not going to be a part of it. I choose to spread love whenever I can, and if I can’t spread love I choose to shut up.
“Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.” ― Steve Martin
To anyone that let other’s words affect their day and their mood I say: don’t let it. Don’t give any mean spirited person power over you.
Here are my bullet point advices, if I can so boldly offer them.
Don’t take anything personally. I am glad that I have read the book “The Four Agreements” long ago and have learned not to take things personally. Well, I am still learning but the more I do it the better I get.
Consider the source. I listen to people I respect. I listen to people that are my friends. I listen to people that present their disagreements with respect. If someone that doesn’t know me decides to offend, that has no room in life. Criticism is okay, disrespect not.
Disagree with other respectfully. When disagreeing with someone choose respect. Do not use your words to cause pain, use words to bring clarity. We all know how to hurt each other if we want, but how about we choose love instead.
Am I being respectful with my writing? Will my words hurt unnecessarily? Do I need to offend to get my point across? Can I express myself differently?
Words are powerful! Use yours, spoken and written, as weapons for peace whenever you can. You can be powerful without putting anyone down. Speak less, listen more. Perhaps sometimes we need to read more and write less.
Do not engage hate! Just leave. Leave the conversation, leave the situation, before it gets to point of regret.
Do not react and over-react. Take a breather, give it time and space before you address any situation that made you angry. It is amazing how time has a way of making us see things clearly.
To this person I wish him peace. I hope that he dedicates more time in the spreading of the good. I hope he looks inward and reflects before assuming the worst in people. I don’t assume the worst in him. He is clearly hurting. To him I wish healing and peace. May you find power in love!
(END OF HER POST)
Yeah! I can totally feel your hatred towards men (in general) and LOVE to me (in particular) quite clearly. Keep on hating us all behind that smiling face… it will only eat you alive from the depths inside your own loneliness. I feel quite generous in giving you an advice which I am sure will fall only on deaf ears. But still, since you like addressing me via virtual space on here, here it is;
“Go see a shrink (preferably a woman, since you hate men)”
… and don’t forget to take a print-out of this post. She will understand you better than your ability to tell anything about yourself that is usual with self-hating individuals like yourself.
I so much want to date you and never show up on our first date. On second, I will send another man (without telling him that you were never tested for STD’s), only if you insist 🙂
Comments on her post: