Carla Akil Is Wrong About Relationships


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Carla Akil seems to suffer from a PTSD (after a breakup) so much that she has started throwing the narcissist label around via her blog post “When Leaving Is Not An Option“.

In the same blog post, she advocate for a no-contact but in another (Silence Is Brutal When You’re Looking For Answers) she craves for communication. Even though, she tries her level best to give different perspectives despite the end goal being same i.e. a relationship.

If that was not enough, she calls loneliness a disease in another blog post (Its Not Love Its Loneliness) when any healthy relationship with anyone outside of you starts with the one you already have with your own self. And you can’t have that relationship with yourself until you are comfortable (and happy) being alone.

And lastly, what truly made me post this mention of her wrong ideas of relationships, was her blog post (Boundaries Vs. Emotional Walls) wherein she advocates to “NOT” have emotional walls while having certain boundaries. Its like asking someone to stand in the air without his/her feet touching the ground. Or in other words, how can an emotional wall be eradicated without sharing (or oversharing as per her words) personal information in a relationship?

I can go on and on but its obvious she has a lot to learn as she goes on having relationships with strangers (including herself).

 

Courtesy:

https://beyondboundslb.co/2017/06/10/boundaries-vs-emotional-walls

Silence is Brutal When Youโ€™re Looking for Answers

It’s Not Love, It’s Loneliness

When Leaving is Not an Option

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201504/why-we-need-stop-throwing-the-narcissist-label-around

12 thoughts on “Carla Akil Is Wrong About Relationships

  1. Hello Amir,

    Let me start by saying that I do not suffer from PTSD, a serious mental illness that should not be mentioned so recklessly. “When Leaving is Not an Option” reflects the reality of many women I know.

    To clear things up, I did not advocate a no-contact in my blog post, I truly believe that honest and open communication is essential in each and every relationship. The reason why a relationship with a narcissist is so toxic is because it includes manipulation and lack of communication.

    I did not explicitly claim that loneliness is a disease, rather, it should be dealt with. I believe that choosing to be with a person because you like the way they make you feel, rather than for who they truly are, is choosing them out of loneliness. This could cause serious harm once you go through a rough patch and you do not get those feelings from the relationship anymore. I do agree with you that every relationship with others begins with yourself, and I advocate solitude.

    Having emotional walls is not about whether you share personal information or not. Some people tend to block people from entering their walls using emotional walls because they are afraid of getting hurt. Boundaries is the ability to say no to things you do not approve of and protecting yourself when you set certain limits.

    I do appreciate your efforts into analyzing my blog posts, and I respect your opinion regardless. I would have just liked if you addressed your feedback privately and not included my photo in your post.

    On a side note, I do still have a lot to learn. I will never stop learning. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Best,
    Carla

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hiii Carla.

      You are beautiful as hell, hence I attached your photo with my blog post. And since you did not like me doing that, out of courtesy, I have replaced it. Hope you like the new one ๐Ÿ™‚

      Whenever writing, try to clearly identify your subject matter and the people associated with it. Since there was no mention of anyone, hence your post came off as if being your own personal experience. And btw, how can you trust other’s experiences without experiencing it first-hand yourself?

      You “did” mention No-contact like 9 times in a short space of two paragraphs. And still, you are wrong about choosing someone out of loneliness. Its perfectly natural (since we are all social animals) and actually a loving connection that happens at the most difficult time of a human (soon after breakup). If someone is with you during such a trying time, that relationship is worth keeping forever.

      Again, it was clearly written in your post about not sharing “too much personal information” and any emotional wall or boundary without sharing any personal information is like a blind leading a blind. No amount of boundaries can stop you from getting hurt. One may try to become indifferent towards whatever is being said about their actions or behavior that affected the other in a relationship. Let’s not call it an emotional wall or a boundary.

      You are one of the very few lucky ones who has shown the courage to write about relationships (whether their own or others). Even if you are wrong, at least you are getting the opportunity to learn from other’s expereinces (i.e. mine).

      I usually love the view. And the view of your picture and your thoughts was too interesting for me to let go without chiming in ๐Ÿ™‚

      Amir

      Like

  2. Thanks.

    I choose to write however I like, it’s a style of writing and I do not feel compelled to portray it in a specific way. This blog is supposed to offer different perspectives, an experience, whether my personal one or someone else’s, is valid enough to be a perspective, just like you have your own. Since it’s your perspective, there is no right or wrong. You either agree or you don’t.

    Regarding loneliness, a loving connection during a difficult time CAN occur. But personally speaking, your decision to be with that person should not be driven by emotions. It can be motivated by it, but you need to make sure that this person is for you. Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn’t. It’s not always the case, it’s a special one.

    You literally pointed out a sentence that is not emphasized in the entire article, and it’s besides the point. What is implied in the article is that emotional walls are usually put before a relationship and boundaries are set during. It’s unhealthy for one to share too much personal information with someone they have just met. You can try to be indifferent about their actions or thoughts but you’ve invested your emotions in that person, therefore you do care whether you like it or not.

    Best,
    Carla

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If your writing style is ambiguous, people will point to errors and if you still insist on calling it clear enough for yourself, then you should not publish it in the first place.

      A connection without emotions can be anything but a relationship.

      Without any sharing of information, you come off as hideous, not a candidate for a relationship.

      You seem to have taken the offence from my review of your writing and being too much defensive. If you wish, I can remove this post altogether.

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      1. Ambiguity has nothing to do whether I portrayed an issue as a personal experience or not. Besides, I’ve gotten a substantial amount of good feedbacks, that’s why I insist on my style of writing, not because I want to.

        I did not mention the exclusion of emotions. They play a huge role, but not the entire role. & I did not say you should not share ANY information, but not ALL information because you have just met.

        I am sorry if I appeared defensive, but your blog post does seem as a personal attack. From claiming that I have PTSD to the last sentence of your blog post. It could have been more of a constructive feedback. Nonetheless, again, I respect your opinion. I will note that my style of writing could be ambiguous to some. ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Your taking it personal makes me 100% sure of you suffering from PTSD (via your own blog post) which was further strengthened by a column written by a PhD in Psychology with the link (in reference) that you did not care to read.

        You can, however, willy-nilly continue to throw this word “narcisstic” around only to end up being “reviewed” by someone like myself who may not toe the line of many of your readers perfectly alright with everything ambiguous you write.

        I totally respect your being confused about relationships and defensive as well.

        Have a good one ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. I agree with Carla here and I wonder why you felt the need to attack this young lady for expressing herself. She defended her writing and herself with dignity while you come across as nasty and vindictive. Much of the advice she gave in her articles is exactly what therapists would give in certain situations. While you attack her writing and personality, you could not resist commenting on her appearance. I know who I would rather read posts from.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. And your narcissistic comment proves my point / review of herself (and now yousrself) being rubbish herself quite well. Feel free to continue reading more about her calling everything she can’t make sense of as narcissistic. Mirrors never lie, especially when you are caught right in the middle of the act and called out. It is you sir who comes off quite pissed off and totally making an ass of yourself by commenting on here. If you are one of those doctors who is churning out messed up patients like Carla, then shame on you and your professional practice. Now would you please kindly leave my blog? I totally appreciate your wasting my time.

      Like

    1. Learn decency from someone stupid like yourself who does not have clie how to defend somebody in a “decent” way??? LOL…

      Like

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