Sometime ago, I wrote a prose review about someone’s post (about relationships) which she (the author) did not like and asked me to remove it. I was surprised at that request since she was keeping her original post online but wanted any critique/review of her words to be removed.
I don’t usually honor such unreasonable requests but since the whole point of mine and her post was about relationships, hence to maintain the bare minimum civic relationship between us, I decided to remove all of that effort of mine. Felt quite bad about that but then anything said or written about relationships is and can quickly become controversial.
Before picking up my pen to write about Natalia’s latest post, I hesitated a bit as I like her blog a lot. And don’t want any of my critique to become a bone of contention between us. Even though we are both strangers to each other, but its like a struggle between all of us in trying to define love in our own special way.
Love is universal but it can be described in billions, rather trillions of ways and even when two of those points of views collide with each other, its perfectly alright to let everyone have their own point of view independently and freely.
I can change my mind in a blink of an eye and can totally reverse my own decisions about certain situation or individual. So, before I go ahead with reviewing Natalia’s post about love, let me undo something first that I did a few weeks ago just because someone did not like it.
Phew! This feels good 🙂
I wanted to clear the air first before I actually start to write anything about “love” again and other people’s perspective on it. Its a topic that has always attracted my attention.
Strangely, before picking my pen on this topic (love), I actually went through knowing how the universe was created and especially this beautiful planet, we all call Earth.
Natalia is 22 and I am 48. We are a minimum 3 generations apart as after every ten years, the whole world (and technology) changes to give birth to a total new generation that looks at things way different than we did.
She picked up her pen because of quickly approaching Valentine’s day and ended up talking about her own love life. When I started reading her post, it felt interesting enough in my WordPress reader application for me to explore further about who is this individual. And when I saw Natalia’s face, I quickly remembered nothing more than her showcasing mostly feminine products i.e. make-up and dress.
This post can easily qualify as having the longest starter and introduction before the actual content. So, without wasting any more time, let’s dive straight into Natalia’s words about love;
First, she introduces her background in love;
I don’t get the whole concept of “love” or more importantly the interpretation of love I’m most familiar with in real life. From my personal experiences or watching my friends relationships I just don’t see this marvelous love I grew up hoping for. I grew up on Disney movies and that might have turned me into strange kind of romantic.
And then she proceeds with defining what is true love for her;
I am hoping for love without a doubts. For love you are completely sure of with every ounce of your being. For love that fits just right to your life. For love you don’t have to sacrifice yourself for. For love that doesn’t change you. For love that doesn’t make any other person miserable. For love you don’t settle for because you are lonely. For love that is straight up chemical in a way of your chromosomes clicking together as a perfect fit. For love that makes every cell in your body know that this is the person that creates formula of so-called “love” in your brain.
Until now, everything feels quite normal and sort of boring when she suddenly breaks something very strange for my ears;
I believe that the chance of you finding your true love in this 7 billion people planet is very ludicrous. That your soul mate speaks the same language, lives in the same city or even next door is just ridiculous. That the love I’ve seen so far is just a choice affected by social need to be in a relationship. We want so desperately to feel loved that we accept the first next person who feel just as lonely as we do and label it love.
Her jumping straight to us poor 6 billion people, she forgot to jump the bones of someone very important first i..e herself. Does she speak the same language as her soul speaks? Does she really live at the same place where her body is or is it somewhere else she wishes to be when she feels actually stuck in her current place or situation. One of her other posts actually spoke about this strife with her Ex boyfriend and her room-mate sort of kicking her out of the flat.
I felt sad at their behavior but when one is going through any strife, talking about love imho is a not fair to the concept of love itself. I can say more but since its Natalia’s show, so let’s focus on what she said next, especially about her parents;
People call me cynical and claim I have no right to feel like this because I come from wholesome family. Yes I get it – people’s opinions and life views can be formed by their background – that’s true. My parents have incredible relationship and I believe they are the exception. They met in an ambulance for crying out loud, fell in love and made 3 incredible daughters. That’s love and it has been for last 25 years. They were genetically perfect fit to create next perfect generation and universe did it’s job for them to met. They are my relationship goals and every relationship I’ll ever come across to will always be in comparison to theirs.
Comparing her future love with her parents, obviously she made a huge error in judgement. That love between her parents is unique just like this unique individual (Natalia) they gave birth to. There is nobody else like her parents, not even close. And no matter how much she loves her parents, she’s definitely a person of her own. Why not? Her whole blog is named after a word “Renegade” which comes quite close to how I describe myself i.e. a rebel 🙂
Her post about love gets more interesting as she describes her first love story;
Let me tell you about my first relationship. I was 18 and never had someone to call my “boyfriend” and I personally wasn’t bothered by it but what bothered me was other people’s view of me. I hated the pity – like I was missing something out and everyone else had it. So when my old classmate messaged me and asked me out I said yes. Seriously just like that – first guy to asked could get it just because of how left out I felt. I tried to convince myself that I liked him, he wasn’t a bad guy and everyone seemed so happy I finally had boyfriend. I was finally getting in line.
Everytime we kissed I kept thinking “This is it? This is the big thing I was missing out?” My daydreams of our relationship were much better than the reality. I expected too much I guess. I cringed every time he touched me and I felt so relieved when we had to cancel our plans. I could go days without talking to him and never even noticed. Only good thing that came out of that relationship was that I was finally able to tell the world that I was in a relationship. That I had a boyfriend. Except I didn’t wanted to. I didn’t want people to know, I actually felt ashamed to be in a relationship that felt so fake cuz it was just fake.
For me it was like social experiment. How would it feel to have a boyfriend. I believe for him it was the same. We grew up in a small town and our list of friends wasn’t that wide. He literally just thought about all of the girls he knew, discard the ones that already had a boyfriend and choose the prettiest one and just tried his luck. Lucky for him that girl was feeling just as lonely as he did and was so desperate for socially acceptable status.
She is absolutely right in “NOT” calling that guy as love. But she is different than me in that regard. I’d never treat another individual as a mere social experiment. That will bring the kind of heavy weight on my conscience that no amount of my sorry or apologies will ever take that off until my last breath of life.
Next, she describes him (alongwith their mutual friend) returning her the favor (all in the name of “love”);
Fun fact: few years later he tried the same move on my best friend, even used the same pick up lines. They have been together for around 7 months, met like 5 times, decided they wanted to live together in my and my (former) best friends apartment, kick me out of my home, put me in debt and all in the name of “LOVE“.
Next, she says something very profound and that’s probably one of the reasons that I still read and follow her blog;
Then there were bunch of guys but they all had one similarity. They all made me over think – what would happen if I decided to date them. And that’s deal breaker for me – if it leaves me wondering what if? it’s just not right.
She’s absolutely right in feeling that way. In love, there should be no “if’s”, “but’s” or any fears. It should just feel right, as clear as the water in a beautiful lake where you can see the fish floating clearly. That is a deal breaker for me too and what does not feel right, I totally avoid that individual since their (one-way) infatuation with us may lead to all sorts of wrong directions.
Next, she describes a huge reality of most of the people and their (sort of) love;
I felt jealous of other people’s happiness. How can they have IT and I don’t ?
Until I realized most of the people are just faking it till they make it. Forced love and I’m pretty sure I could spend my time more efficiently than trying to convince everyone else and myself that I am in love, normal, just like anybody else.
What she describes next, is mostly the option and the situation majority of the people find themselves embroiled in;
What I’m trying to say is that if the whole universe has to come together for you to meet the right person (and imagine the countless times it had to work its magic for your parents to meet and make you, their parents to make them and so on..) it definitely won’t be for a guy who makes you feel worthless, forbids you to have any other friends besides him, gets jealous of your girlfriends, cheats, beats, lies to you….
Like I said above, this can be easily avoided if you are yourself the first person who falls in love with her own self FIRST. Anybody or anyone after you is another, secondary and totally separate from you. Until you have gone through the adventure of knowing your own deep self, there all sorts of heartaches waiting to happen while interacting with other poor individuals.
She describes the obvious choice as quite ridiculous i.e. falling for anyone or settling and offers quite a good advice;
Otherwise it’s just a simple choice, destiny is not real and you can just pick up random person to spend your life with and act out everything you feel like you’re supposed to be feeling. How romantic is that?
Just stop being do desperate to be in love and just live.
There is just so much more to do, to be, to see in this world than to dedicate your life to search for your other half. It takes a time to learn how to love yourself so much you don’t feel like a half anymore.
That is the advice that totally fits her but not for many of us who have ventured enough through their own selves and now is the time to find their own love. Desperate is not a good word to describe us poor souls looking for love. She can describe us all as who is really trying to get to know everyone else enough to feel any connection and see if it is right enough to go ahead or just keep looking.
And what better words than to end this review with her beautiful words.
I wish you all so much love not only on this years Valentines day. I wish you all find the love that gives purpose to everything that ever happened to you. I wish you hold onto the true love you already have in your life.
I hope I don’t receive Natalia’s message like the other lady, requesting me to remove this review/critique 🙂