Why Are Men No More My Audience?


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There are currently about 7 billion humans on this planet Earth, including me. Gender-wise, they are mostly classified between males and females. As per my understanding of gender, male is someone who has a dick like me. And a female has no such thing, nothing, nada in there. But she does have boobs that come in all sizes and shapes just like those male dicks.

Beyond these two genders, there is a tiny 0.1% percentage of humans who don’t wish to be classified as a male or a female. In my world, such “other-gender” individuals also fall in the same category as males being not my audience.

Statistically speaking, this leaves me with almost 3.5 billion females with whom I can interact normally. In a bar, in a restaurant, or while traveling, I see many men attracted towards me trying to start a conversation. And thanks to the lessons I learned from women, I usually avoid having any mention-able interaction with males.

That was not how I used to be but the last decade of my life changed a lot inside me. After having perfect relationships with machines (and porn), I came closer to women in trying to find a life-partner just like any normal heterosexual male individual out there. The more I got closer to females, the more I got pushed away. And when I tried to find a reason, majority of those women pointed to the Cinderella stories they read (or saw movies/cartoons about) during their childhood. I felt like these women were trying to tell me that until I’d act and behave like the prince in that imaginary story, those females will obviously have nothing much to do with me.

I am either a hero or a villain in any female brain, without being given a tiniest margin of being a normal human being. Yes, dick are humans too who can err and have all the right to fuck up just like those female counterparts.

Being a systems analyst career-wise, I always try to figure reasons and logics behind anything messed up. Before getting into this man-woman thingy, machines were always fixed easily via a plethora of solutions and choices I will implement. But in this female world, things are way above my head.

Individuality has further complicated any sort of “generalized” tips and tricks I have learned from books and/or relationship experts, including shrinks (psychologists/psychiatrists).

The best relationship advice I have found came from an online relationship article whose author (a female) was asking its readers to first have pets i.e. dogs, cats. And after I have perfected the art of relationship with them, I can start pursuing human females.

The reason I could not act upon her advice was that as per my definition of a relationship, sex is an integral and an essential part which I feel like impossible to have with cats or dogs. Not that I am not aware of some humans doing that, its more like “Eww” or “Gross” kind of feeling that stops me from having a “perfect” relationship with any pets before trying out female human species’ sexual organs.

I hope you got the gist by now about why males are no more the audience of anything I do or plan on doing in my life since I got a humongous job on my plate having to do only with females with those enticing boobs.

Sorry if the pervert side of me came out while talking about something totally different.


Note: Btw, if I further trim down the human female population by their boob sizes, you can tell about the tiny percentage of my audience left.

Tissues please… (Amir wiping his tears and blowing his nose)

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