Intimate Enemy


Remember the 1991 movie "Sleeping With The Enemy"?   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcQqsrf2gik If not, never mind bothering yourself watching anything since I am going to talk something strange about how human brain operates when in a relationship. Being obsessed with someone and actually in love with someone is obviously two different things and there are women who'd … Continue reading Intimate Enemy

Expectations, Part I


In my quest to become independent through my teenage years, “expectations” from others was the first thing on my agenda to get rid of. Today, people surprise me with their best otherwise I’m ready for their worst that I can think of. My defensive driving without a single accident in 3 continents is a proof of that. The only thing which my brain still gets back to work (as in confused or scratching my head), when you kiss and make love to someone and she turns out be nothing but fake love. Thank goodness it has never stopped me from going closer to people. But this man-woman thingy is definitely quite confusing thing from “expectations” point of view, imho.

No Half Measures

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about expectations and particularly the expectations that have been unfulfilled in my life since I’ve been dealing with Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC). For me, I often don’t realize in the moment that something happens that an expectation has been unfulfilled, it’s usually once I have time to process what has happened that it occurs to me. Sometimes this happens in conversation with others, sometimes just when I’m ruminating over a situation or conversation or event. It’s …. complicated.

Let’s start with the dictionary definition:

1: the act or state of expecting: ANTICIPATION in expectation of what would happen

2a: something expected not up to expectations; expectations for an economic recovery; b: basis for expecting : ASSURANCE they have every expectation of success; c: prospects of inheritance —usually used in plural.

3: the state of being expected

4:

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Drug And Alcohol Abuse – Mental Health


I was going through a late singer Amy Winehouse's life and my own life's experience with 20-something women who had mental health issues while being on drugs and excessive use of alcohol. Since then, I have explored lives of many other talented artists who suffer from the same self-destructive behavior. Money and relationship issues apart, … Continue reading Drug And Alcohol Abuse – Mental Health

Prose Review – “To Feel Nothing Or To Feel Everything” by Aimie


I have dated a woman who was on anti-depressants (without my knowledge) and definitely had mental health issues. After that fling was over, I used to wonder a lot not about her, but about those happy pills (a.k.a antidepressants). Its been a decade since then and I have always wanted to know the first-person story … Continue reading Prose Review – “To Feel Nothing Or To Feel Everything” by Aimie

My One Sided Marriage


There are two types of marriages. One is a must i.e. being married to your own self. The other is optional i.e. being married to someone else. As long I am married to myself happily and ever-after, everything I do is perfectly alright. That includes and excludes marriages, divorces, friendships, relationships, etc.

If I get out of my bed, take shower, have a wonderful breakfast and take a stroll outside in lush green park, touching those trees and flowers or leaves. And still, I feel awesome beyond words, I think anyone is welcome to join me in enjoying this beautiful planet together. However, the moment that “anyone” starts becoming meaningless in my happy marriage with my own self, of course one of us has to go.

And since the marriage with my own self is still far more important than anybody or anyone else out there, hence DIVORCE. People may call me jumping to conclusions too early, but all of us have too little time already to enjoy our lives on this beautiful planet Earth. Then why waste it in working things out with people who can’t fix their own lives first before meeting me? It may seem selfish, but in a healthy way imho 🙂

Sweet Ruby Bluez

To deprive yourself of passion is something I have become somewhat of an expert on. I never thought that I would have it in me to sit calmly and allow the tidal wave of nothingness consume me.  To believe the lies or prove them truths is something we all must decide. There are trade offs to everything in life. The question before you is what are you willing to give up to have. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe it is just me. From what I can see from the inside though it is nothing like what I thought but maybe it is everything that I had expected.

Looking back on my grandparents marriage there is no question there was love there but was there an underlying passion? Hard to say as I only knew them as my grandparents. The two worked hard to contribute to their household. Where one left…

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Sex Worker Talking About Human Connection – Nicole Emma


WARNING: Increase your audio speaker volume to highest to listen but be warned that the next video after this one will blow your ears. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7xLfeTytns In a society that values strong, stoic alpha males, where can a man find space to be vulnerable? Nicole Emma, a sex worker with 18 years of experience, gives a … Continue reading Sex Worker Talking About Human Connection – Nicole Emma

April Writing Challenge – Finding Love On The Streets Of Chaos


At least 2% to 3% of the whole global population is going to face death at the hands of this pandemic. We could very well become mere statistic too. When anybody asks me if I am afraid of dying, I answer “no” since I have lived an awesome life full of achievements beyond the ones I set myself up for. So thankful for such a fulfilled life and if its time to leave, I’d leave happily. That’s my take on death at the hands of this pandemic or anything else.

Life Lessons From Around the Dinner Table

I am completely heartbroken right now, and rather than sit here and stew in my thoughts and drive myself crazy, I need to escape. It’s all becoming a little too much. I’m not going to lie, I’m highly concerned about catching this virus, I have numerous upper respiratory issues, and I think I would have a hard time recovering from COVID-19. I’m also worried about Neil & my father contracting it. Plus, I have had to turn off the television and avoid Facebook because all of the posts about death, and child abuse, and every other little thing starts to weigh on me, that’s the thing about empathy, there’s no off switch. I also have a terrible habit of always putting myself last until my body forces me to make the time to focus on my health. I know, I need to do better. I deserve to treat myself better.

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Cabin Fever – Waiting To Get Infected


In this pandemic, being restricted to your own apartment and not being able to move around can cause becoming stir-crazy or suffer from cabin fever. One can be easily become irritated when confined without their choice. This happens a lot to people who go to prisons. But for normal law-abiding people, this is a hard … Continue reading Cabin Fever – Waiting To Get Infected

Blog Review: Pandemic Grief Meter


In good faith, I had posted some self-healing and immune system-strengthening tips on my blog at https://aatayyab.wordpress.com/2020/03/23/home-remedy-coronavirus-cure-self-healing-in-isolation. Unfortunately, a depressed individual (probably an old cranky and crabby lady) posted an ignorant comment seeking some attention maybe. Out of curiosity, I visited his/her blog to find depression splattered all over her blog. For example, look at … Continue reading Blog Review: Pandemic Grief Meter